"THIS Bitch is Crazyyyy..."

You know what’s exhausting??
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Trying to slow down so everyone else can keep up..

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Diminishing your light to make sure everyone else doesn’t feel small..

Less inspired...

Intimidated..

Blinded..

I mean, who are YOU to shine so fucking bright anyway???

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No wonder it’s so damn hard to create the life and business that you see inside..

Always toeing the line.

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Putting the needs of everyone else before your own..

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Putting the weaving of the work you know needs to be done, for your own sanity, last.

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And now you got that SOUL TIRED.

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Where you don’t even realize how tired you actually ARE until you get that rush of energy when you’re alone, thinking about mystical existential things, being with yourself, daydreaming, playing in and creating other worlds.

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But there always seems to be this crash back down to the "real world"

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Where you gotta be someone you’re not..

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Say it perfectly,

Make sure it’s good enough,

Make sure they understand..

Make sure it makes sense.

Make sure it 'resonates' with your audience.

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**Fucking eyeroll**

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What a pain in the ass it is to try and be someone you’re not..

To force yourself to create what other people want you to create.

To try and keep up the image, the facade..

of merely helpful.

To try and color inside the lines and get it ‘right’ according to the rigid standards we’re indoctrinated into operating from.

It’s HARD WORK..

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It takes so much more energy than just blahhhhhhaalsdkfjiasdfnaefj;lkj being who tf you actually are.

Saying what you feel like saying..

Knowing that what you feel inside you is real..

And that what is real for you is always right..

Because you fucking said so.

And don't even get me started back on the slowing down thing..

You wanna go fast when you wanna go fast and go slow when you wanna go slow but always in your own rhythm..

always to your own rhyme and reason.

THAT'S where the energy of a thousand suns comes in and makes you worry about making feel like pebbles.

STAAAAAP!!

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Here lies the issue:

We unconsciously think that if we were to do be that (actually ourselves) all the time all these bad things will happen..

Things like:

I'll waste away and won't be able to support myself because I don't care about the "real world" ..

I won't have any ambition or motivation to do anything..

I'll annoy everyone AND their dog, too...

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But what we are really feeling, thinking, being..

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Is scared of one thing first..

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If I stopped trying, I'd just be doing stuff that only I understand..

Scared that everyone in your life AND on the internet will think you’re fucking crazy..

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Which happens to be the whole entire mf point!

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You ARE a brilliant, creative, unique af VISIONARY..

You see the world differently.

You understand things in a way that normal people just don't understand..

You have a super clear way of articulating and materializing that (if you'd allow yourself to try)

If you gave yourself the permission to do what only you can do, what only you understand,

you'd pursue it to the day you die and probably beyond..

Hell, you'd be WILLING to DIE FOR IT.

AND you'd monetize the shit out of it because the real you can't help being the source of your provision.

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And yeah.. you're going to get some side eyes..

you're going to get some "damn, this bitch is craaayyyzyyy" 👀

once in a while..

people are going to unfollow you and unsubscribe to you..

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But the question is,

Are you willing to experience that in order to set yourself free, fucking finally..

in order to stop being so damn exhausted?

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And are you willing to see the potential fallout as a GOOD THING?

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If people aren't unsubscribing to my email list every time I send something out..

I know i'm not doing my real work.

And for every one who leaves, a handful more who are actually ready to play with the fabric of reality come in.

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If I was trying to play it safe and just make sure I'm packaging up and answering everyones questions in this perfect little box with this perfect little structure topped of with a perfect little bow..

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First off..

I'd probably want to friggin off myself..

not exaggerating.. been there.

at the very least I'd be the epitome of soul tired.

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And Secondly..

the real shit that lights me up and energizes me would NOT be coming out.

The stuff that I actually want to create..

I wouldn't be having the conversations that I really want to have.

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And in all honesty, I do what I do for me..

I do it because I was fucking OVER that soul tired.

I was fucking OVER hating myself because I thought it was necessary to modulate and moderate my self expression to fit in with whoever the person I was with needed me to be.. both online and offline.

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Listen gorgeous..

I know your soul is tired.

I know you're exhausted.

I know you think that you're letting yourself authentically come out and play..

but if you're tired, and you're unsure of what to say, and you're unsure of what to do next...

there's always more YOU to be had in the world.

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Let this be your invitation to finally talk about the thing that you think no one else will understand.

To give yourself full permission to let that big light of yours shine!

(even if it's a black light 😈)

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Hit reply and let me know what comes up for you as you contemplate this email. I'm in a chatty mood today.

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xx
Astrid